I am struggling this week. I thought life was headed one way and then it didn't. In the aftermath of my emotions skyrocketing and then plummeting, I'm feeling numb, disappointed, a little empty, and a lot unsure. I am hungry to see clearly God's direction. I am starving to find the verse that makes everything make sense, so I can press into it. But I have yet to find that verse and I'm feeling, instead, a little dark and a lot like an island. I overcame one attitude hurdle, and I feel a small victory in that, but the sadness remains. Inside, it feels like with the change of direction that life took, God is replacing the original plan with a new one, but in the interim, I'm on pause. I don't know that I even agree with the likelihood of that analogy since God always knew that life was going to take this turn. It's not as if He was surprised at the turn of events and had to "scramble" to put together a Plan "B". Maybe--could it be that I had a clear vision of Plan "A" and I'm scrambling to redirect my thoughts to a Plan "B"? That's probably much more likely. Is it okay to feel disappointed? I think it is, as long as I'm not disrespectful or disobedient in the process. This dying to self really, really stinks. Especially when what you're dying to is what you thought was God's Will. I feel a little like how Peter may have felt in Matthew during the Transfiguration. When he awoke to find Jesus talking with Moses and Elijah, he was so excited (and half asleep) that he started rambling on about building three altars; one for each man. God interrupted Peter to tell him to be quiet and listen. Peter was suggesting something noble and Godly, yet it wasn't what God was asking. God said to Peter: While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from the cloud said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!'" Matthew 17:5 Am I mistakenly offering to build altars?
Am I missing what the Lord is trying to say to me? Am I running ahead, full of noble, yet misplaced, plans and dreams? I have no answers. But I'll wait here, praising Him and trying very hard to listen while He speaks.
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Anxious according to Webster includes synonyms nervous, worried and uptight. Antonyms include calm and relaxed. The interesting thing about being anxious is that it is possible to be worried about something, at the same time outwardly having a calm demeanor. Many days, that is the very scenario I found myself in. May of 2013 our family moved to the Appalachian Mountains. My husband is a college football coach and moving is common. This move was filled with joy, hope and excitement. At the same time, it was a whirlwind. My husband (as many coaches do) moved in a week. We followed 6 weeks later. Packing up the house we had lived in for 10 years so quickly could have felt overwhelming, but truthfully, God blessed us with incredible peace. Our path was clearly revealed, and that entire summer overflowed with scenarios where we watched as God answered prayers. The one prayer still hanging… To read the rest of this post, click HERE.
Sometimes things go smoothly and pieces fit together. Sometimes there are hiccups, but, keeping our hand to the plow, we see progress and movement. And sometimes God let's us wait. Those moments that we stand still, fidgety and eager...that great tension as we stand poised on the edge of the unknown...the knowing that what we are about to launch into is so far above us and intricately designed by God Himself...the how and the details can scare us and bog us down, cause us to stumble in our steadfastness. But, OH to know that the Lord is positioning you for something great, He's using you. He's using YOU. Like a roller coaster that slowly click, click, clicks its ascent...that precious, seemingly never-ending pause at the top as you take in the view and the vastness that surrounds you...and then the plunge. That breath-taking, all-consuming exhilaration that washes over you and stops time for a beat defies time and easily consumes. It's during the click, click, clicking that we tend to get antsy. We tend to get frustrated as we see the top, but feel like we're never going to get there. The fear, the anxiety, the anticipation: It's maddening. But what if instead of being frustrated or angry at the lack of movement, we embraced the time the Lord gives us to catch our breath? What if we simply took in the delicious anticipation and allowed God to work in us as He continues to prepare us for the plunge? What if we embraced the "calm before the storm" and took in the quiet? What if we used that time to allow the Lord to arrange everything we'll need for the journey? What if we rested in knowing that we will never again get these moments back--these moments of metaphorically holding our breath before life as we know it changes. Because it will change. We cannot step forward in faith and obedience without changing. God changes us. He tests, prepares, and refines us along the way. Whether we're waiting because God is still preparing us or so that He can prepare others, waiting is a critical part of the journey. Something I'm learning is that it's not always about me. Sometimes, when there's a delay, it's because the Lord is answering someone else's prayers. Sometimes it's because He is orchestrating perfectly, as only He can, the chain of events that need to come to pass so that I can springboard over the edge and begin the glorious descent into His Will. The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty." Proverbs 21;5 What if we choose to believe that God has us where He wants us when he wants us there, if we are willing and obedient? For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 So, while I'm waiting, standing here on the precipice of my future, looking down at all that lies before me and waiting on Him to propel me into His plans for me, I'll take it all in. I'll be still and watch as He does His thing. I'll drink in the moments of quiet anticipation and reflect on all God has done, all the ways He's been faithful in leading me and praise Him while I'm waiting. "As I sought God’s Word, I realized I couldn’t trust my anxious thoughts. They were not mine. That’s why I needed someone outside myself to recite the truth to me. God told me through His word over and over: 'You are loved. You are mine. My hand is on you.'” ~Christina Hubbard Anxiety is an often insideous and debilitating monster. I have always struggled with it, but having children ramped up my struggle. I became obsessed with fretting over something happening to my kids and grieved many tragedies that never happended. Taking a self-imposed journey through scripture has done so much to alleviate my worry and to remind me that God has me in the palm of His hand....and He holds my children as well. A new series about anxiety is beginning September 7th. Lisa from Community Moms, Angel from Vision61 Ministries, and I will be hosting several different writers to share with you about their own struggle with anxiety. Together we can bring into the Light what causes so much darkness and begin a journey of healing. To read the rest of Christian's story, click HERE. I hope you'll join us in this series! ~Mandy There comes a time when we each have to decide for ourselves...what's most important? This life isn't all there is. Let's just bust right outta the gate with it. This life that consumes us 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year...it seems like it's the MOST important thing when we're smack dab in the middle of it, but when we get a chance to step back and catch our breath, we see that it's just like Solomon said: I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Ecclesiastes 1:14 Everything we know now seems so important, and much of it is, for sure, but...BUT...so much of it isn't and that tends to be what we put at the forefront of our lives. What if I told you that all this...this life...is only a blip on the screen and will all be gone one day in a blink? What if I told you that there is a battle that we can't see with our eyes, but is storming our planet? What if I told you that you are POWERFUL? What if I told you that you are IMPORTANT? What if I told you that you are WANTED? Because you are... God doesn't need us. No. He wants us and He calls us. We are not victims. We are overcomers and victors through Christ. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:37 Are you powerful? Yes. Are you important? Yes. Are you wanted? Yes. You are ALL of those things through Jesus. It's through HIS power that we are powerful. It's through HIS importance that we are important and it's because HE wants us that we are wanted. And He has a job for us. Our job, which He has uniquely qualified and equipped us for, is to tell the world about Him. That's it. What I didn't get for a long time is that my life isn't about coasting through my time on this planet, but it's to have a mission and see it through. The misson? To be bold and fearless in the face of an enemy who wants nothing more than to squash and derail me. Are you on the fence? Take a listen to this amazing song by Hillsong United. There is so much truth in that we don't truly find our life until we lay it down. And we don't touch the sky until our knees hit the ground. So join me. Let's be a generation of people who stand up in the face of those who want nothing more than to silence us and distract us. Let this be a generation who stands together, fearless, yet with knees shaking and voices quivering, and trust Him who told us not to fear. And of this chapter of history on earth, may the Lord title it in the Heavenly annals: And They All Stood Up. God speaks to me. And, no, it's not something I hear with my ears. Instead, He presses things on my heart or places a "theme" in front me so that I can't miss it. Right now, that theme is all about being quick to HEAR and OBEY. I feel like I am finally HEARING Him. I'm open to what He has to say and I am also (finally) ready to take a step forward in obedience. I don't want to be like the man who told Jesus he was ready to follow Him, but first he had to bury his father. Commentary tells us that the man's father was most likely still alive and well, and the man was really saying, "I'll follow you, Jesus.....in a while. After I've seen my father grow old and he passes, then I'll follow you." That man had no way of knowing that Jesus didn't have that long on the earth, and he would miss his opportunity to follow-through on his word to Jesus. When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” Did you catch the details about both men mentioned here? One was a "disciple" and the other was a "teacher of the law." These were men who were educated in the Jewish culture.
The man who wanted to bury his father gave a very respectable answer as to why he was waiting to follow Jesus. It was expected that the son would care for his father through his old age and/or until he died. His reservations and reason for delaying, while accepted and commendable from the viewpoint of his family and within his culture, was unacceptable to Jesus. I think we need to ask ourselves what is holding us back from stepping forward and walking with Jesus. Is our reason for delaying one that feels good to us? Does it seem respectable and righteous? Can we list a hundred thousand reasons why we CAN'T follow "yet"? I don't profess to know everything about the Lord, but one thing I do know is that when He calls, we MUST answer, and we MUST obey. Can He do it without us. Oh yes! He created the world and all that's in it without my help, but by golly when He allows me the privilege of being a part of His methods and His plan for the world, I want to jump and grab ahold of the opportunity with both hands. Even when it's hard. Even when it's scary. Even when everything else in my life screams all the reasons why I shouldn't or couldn't. He will not call us without a plan ready to go (even if we can't see it). He will not call us without providing every single thing we need to do the job and do it well. So, why are you holding back? Do you HEAR Him calling? And if so, what's your answer? |
Mandy is:Wife to 1. Mom to 6. Lovin' Jesus. Living' Life. Laughin' at the craziness of it all. Archives
September 2017
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Mandy Pagano